The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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