I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
