Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
