I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
