Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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