I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
