Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
