Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
