She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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