best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
