I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize