OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
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