He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
