Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
After last night, I could never be a politician.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
