yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
