it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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