worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
