That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
