I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
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