my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
