im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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