who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
