I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
