id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
