I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize