shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
