I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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