you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
