dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
