she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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