Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
