He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
