It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize