So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
