Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
