I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
