So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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