this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
COCAINE IS GR8
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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