did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize