duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Semen is not good for contacts.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
