I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
