So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
