we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
