You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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