I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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