I want to make a zoo with you.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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