Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
