You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Randomize
