I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
