im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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