dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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