just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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