put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
