he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
