I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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