Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
