There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
