I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
