We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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