It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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