Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize