Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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