I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Randomize
