Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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