We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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