Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
